i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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