I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
