you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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