Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Help. Why am I so naked?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
