Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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