none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
