better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ladies don't puke and tell
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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