Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
