OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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