I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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