she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
