last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
