considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The uberlube is also flammable
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
