just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
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I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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