My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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