he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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