So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
