what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
