I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
