As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
