Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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