Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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