I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks