You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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