HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
