I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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