drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
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Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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