Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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