Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
