She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
