HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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