This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
