You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
