I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
