therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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