i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize