So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
