she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
