It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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