if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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