Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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