im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
