I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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