that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
