btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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