I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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