That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
