He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
