Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
