Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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