Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
