your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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