I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
