Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize