I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
