currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
