Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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