oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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