I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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