her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
