obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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