im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
