so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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