I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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