I'm laying in your front yard are you home
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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