Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Of course I have a pirate flag
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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