You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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