my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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