Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
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I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
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Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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