when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
