Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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