is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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