I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
