if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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