i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm just crazy horny about you
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
