You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
