You're my little dorito
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
