the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
