First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He kissed a someone with a penis
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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